Day 26 - FRIDAY MADNESS!

Alright so Friday....heh. Friday started out ok in the morning and afternoon, got rough right before dinner, then turned ok, during dinner, then got rough again right after. haha. It centered around my paper...and of course...FOOD!

This LOOOONG paper has really affected (effected?) my spirits lately. But, yes, I just finished it and have just now submitted it and I feel sort of good. But, like i said earlier (click me) I am a perfectionist...a perfectionist who realizes she's a perfectionist and most times wishes she was not a perfectionist. But, hey! Maybe I'm on the road to recovery! I mean they say - whomever they are - that if you think you're crazy then you're not crazy anymore...ah Catch-22...what a great read. But yes, so I hate how being a perfectionist makes me feel upset sometimes - like right now, for instance. I mean, I just finished my monster paper, as in I just turned it in like five minutes ago...FINALLY....So...naturally, I should be happy, right? Well, I am, but it's heavily coated like a hotdog smathered in ketchup with regret ...hm...that's a rather odd analogy...the hotdog must be my happiness and the smathering of ketchup my regret? hm...yeah that doesn't quite work out.

Anyway, the gist of it is, I'm feeling upset at myself that I didn't spend more time perfecting this one section which I found impossible to perfect, and oh baaaby - when something that is impossible to perfect meets up with a perfectionist a quagmire of dark twisting, murky, muddy, paths into darkness and confusion occur. As my good friend Alice says once she finds herself in Wonderland, "curiouser and curiouser." Yes, Alice, it certainly was. Writing this paper was definitely like working my way through the seemingly never ending scary, randomness of Wonderland...only i'm not on drugs! heh.

Anyway. So I was working on my paper, took a break to eat dinner...and oh baby....heh. We ordered pizza as per our usual Girl's Friday Night routine and I ate two slices of cheesy yummy stuffed crust pizza - pizza hut is like the only pizza place here, but it's still good. So yeah, that probably had a ton of calories but I think I was taking my frustration of not finishing my paper out by being happy with eating food. I then had a big bowl of microwave popcorn. I LOVE popcorn. heh. But this was the light kind so it only ended up being like 300 calories. But I was still hungry, so I had some more of that leftover rosemary roasted pork tenderloin which is nice and lean. heh like it matters after I ate all that fat from the pizza anyway. But the thing is, as I said in the second sentence of this post, dinner was a good thing. I didn't feel bad eating that stuff because I had worked for it the entire week. Everyone needs a break sometimes, and friday is my break. Not that I eat desserts. I still am resolved not to because right now, they are my biggest weakness, my trigger foods that bar none, lead to binges. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy splurging a bit once a week on other foods. Because for me, I can handle eating other types of "junk" food in moderation, like pizza. So yay. This friday was good in the diet department.

I did break down though after dinner and I even shed a few tears of frustration, not because of the food, but because of the paper that I still had to finish up! But, sigh...i'm finished now. (breathes). And even though I'm not exactly pleased with one section, I am confident that I'll still get at the very least a B+ or an A- on it....so yeah, I should be happy. I am happy...I am the hotdog of happiness...I swear! I'm just smothered with a little bit of regretful ketchup as well. ;)