Alright well today (Wednesday) went super good until I went home earlier to make dinner for the rest of the girls. Since there are five of us girls staying in one place, we rotate dinners, each of us getting one day a week where we make dinner and mine was tonight. I made this fish filet thing that i crusted with crushed almonds to make it nice and crunchy but instead of frying it, I baked it in the oven till it was golden brown and the almonds were really toasted and delicious smelling. It was super good if I do say so myself, the outer layer of crushed almonds was all crispy and the inner layer of fish was totally moist and yummy. The problem happened when Mary and all the rest didn't come home until 8!!! I had finished making dinner by 5:45 and the whole house smelled soo freaking good. Needless to say I was starving!! But instead of eating some of the meal that I had prepared, I dug through the fridge for some left overs at around 7 and ate about 3 oz of that left-over mayonnaise cheddar cheese chicken from two nights before.
That seemed to just spark my appetite though - exactly opposite of what I wanted it to do -- and made me even more hungry! I then finally gave in and ate about 4 oz of the fish filet that I made around 7:45 because it was so freaking late and I thought oh well, i might as well enjoy the dish that I made for tonight. Then they got home and I couldn't resist eating with the rest of them because it's so much more fun to eat with people, so I had about another 2 oz of fish fillet, a bag of light popcorn (240 calories) and then 4 chocolate no-bake cookies for desert which I'm not meant to eat!! Yipers. My stomach hurts from all that food. I'm not going to lie and say the no-bakes didn't taste good, darn you mary! but ugh. I don't like feeling super full, either. I think I'm going to have to eat my pride - heh, little play on subjects for you - and humble myself enough to ask one of the girls to help me stay accountable. I feel that if I have someone with whom I have to look in the face and state all that I've eaten in one day that I will really feel the necessary embarrassment which will work as a catalyst to keep me from over eating. Shame me into submission! I really have no excuse to eat so much. It's starting to really get to me. I apparently have a very bad track record so far. I hate being a loser. Not cool.
I hate being on the border of skinny. It stinks. It's a horrible shadowy place to be. I am SO close to looking the way I want to look. Literally, only in reality, like 3-4 weeks away from being happy with my body. If I lost just 8 pounds (2 pounds a week making that 4 weeks) I know I would be happy, I was happy with my body one week ago before vacation, when I had stuck with my diet for only two consecutive weeks. It's like, I'm so close to being happy - 4 short weeks - and yet it's taken me an entire year to try and get those four consecutive weeks! It's maddening, and it's very frustrating. Ugh. I sometimes wish I was 115 lbs over weight instead of just 15lbs. It seems like when you weight more you are still able to loose weight even if you have a bad day once a week. But with me, if i have even one bad day, my entire weight loss for that whole week is gone and sometimes I even gain weight from it - from one stinking day of bad decisions. Ugh. It's not fair. I have SO little to loose, but it just seems so hard to loose it....4 short weeks away and I can't seem to make it happen! So maddening! I think I'm going to have to try, as I intimated above, getting another physical human being involved in this. I'm going to ask Tami to be my mentor...She's super nice, has a great body and understands a lot about nutrition. But i'm going to hold off asking until after Easter. I wanted to be able to loose 4 pounds by then, but now it doesn't seem like it's going to happen. I might shoot for three though. I think I could do that in 11 days. But knowing me, once I start to see even the slightest results, i get all proud and self-reliant and feel that I don't need anyone's help. Well, I do, and I want and know that I need someone else's help and accountability. I definitely would not have eaten those cookies tonight had I known I would have to then tell someone face to face that I did. I'm going to use my pride to my advantage! take that!
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Yogurt, Starfruit, Vampire bats?!
So, yesterday I forgot to do my weigh-in...Oh, don't get me wrong, I definitely did not forget to weigh myself, but I did forget that I was meant to post my weight to the "world" yesterday. So...tadum....yesterday my stinking scale said I weighed 125lbs...Hm...I had lost 2 pounds two weeks ago, but apparently I gained 2 pounds over my week on vacation. Grrr....But actually, I honestly thought I would have gained more from the way I was indulging in junk food over vacation. I'm glad I didn't gain more than I my original weight, at any rate. Anyway, vacation is over, and there won't be another one until this summer - probably June or July -- so there's a good couple of months before that, where I can focus on being healthy and not be interrupted by vacationing and junk food!
On another note, today I went shopping and I saw that non-fat yogurt I was raving about a couple of weeks ago (click me). I didn't buy another one because I saw that it cost 49 pesos, and the dollar is currently at 46 pesos....That's over a dollar for a teeney-weeney little carton of yogurt...ugh. Heh, I might give in later on this week though and buy some because I adore yogurt, and this yogurt was fat-free and sugar free! Trust me, you can't find this in the Philippines anywhere, I've looked!! Anyway, here's a picture of the covetous yogurt - yes it's just the carton...I loved this yogurt, it was super think and creamy:
~ Today's Menu ~
(5:40 a.m.) Breakfast: 1 green apple, 6 almonds, 1 cup skim milk
(1:30 p.m.) Lunch: 3 oz cheddar cheese, chili powder mayonnaise chicken (left overs from last night), 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 16 oz water
(4:10 p.m.) Snack: 1 green apple, 6 almonds, 12 oz water
(5:30 p.m.) Snack: 1/2 cup chopped carrots (raw), 8 oz water
(7:30 p.m.) Dinner: 3 oz chicken breast (baked with cheddar cheese very lightly sprinkled on top), 1 cup salad greens, 1 cup brocolli/cauliflower mix (raw), 1 cup skim milk
multi-vitamin supplement, calcium supplement, d-12 vitamin pill thingi...for the sun or something...
And this underneath is a picture of a star fruit that is growing on a tree that I can see right outside my office! Yay. It's so good.
This picture is AMAZING too, I wish it were mine! But, alas, it is not. I was going to take one myself, but I noticed that all the actual starfruit on my tree was rather pathetic looking because all the birds have been picking at it, which I don't mind because I'm glad they're getting something good to eat, but also, I noticed that some bats - yes BATS - were picking at it as well. It's rather weird to see bats flying around like it's nobody's busineess...so weird, I swear they're not only blind but their radar or sonor thing totally is broken! Heh, they fly straight at me sometimes! At least they're not vampire bats, right? I mean, they're eating fruit not other animals...heh...hm....haha I've been watching too many vampire related tv-shows and movies lately! Heh, they're suddenly so everywhere now days!
Alright well, yipers, I'm tired. I think the shopping today really took it out of me - I went in high heels, too...not a good combination, but it was either that or flip-flops with my jeans and I have a thing about my feet getting dirty - gross - so I wore my only other shoes I had with me at the time...heh...not going to do that again!
On another note, today I went shopping and I saw that non-fat yogurt I was raving about a couple of weeks ago (click me). I didn't buy another one because I saw that it cost 49 pesos, and the dollar is currently at 46 pesos....That's over a dollar for a teeney-weeney little carton of yogurt...ugh. Heh, I might give in later on this week though and buy some because I adore yogurt, and this yogurt was fat-free and sugar free! Trust me, you can't find this in the Philippines anywhere, I've looked!! Anyway, here's a picture of the covetous yogurt - yes it's just the carton...I loved this yogurt, it was super think and creamy:
~ Today's Menu ~(5:40 a.m.) Breakfast: 1 green apple, 6 almonds, 1 cup skim milk
(1:30 p.m.) Lunch: 3 oz cheddar cheese, chili powder mayonnaise chicken (left overs from last night), 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 16 oz water
(4:10 p.m.) Snack: 1 green apple, 6 almonds, 12 oz water
(5:30 p.m.) Snack: 1/2 cup chopped carrots (raw), 8 oz water
(7:30 p.m.) Dinner: 3 oz chicken breast (baked with cheddar cheese very lightly sprinkled on top), 1 cup salad greens, 1 cup brocolli/cauliflower mix (raw), 1 cup skim milk
multi-vitamin supplement, calcium supplement, d-12 vitamin pill thingi...for the sun or something...
And this underneath is a picture of a star fruit that is growing on a tree that I can see right outside my office! Yay. It's so good.
This picture is AMAZING too, I wish it were mine! But, alas, it is not. I was going to take one myself, but I noticed that all the actual starfruit on my tree was rather pathetic looking because all the birds have been picking at it, which I don't mind because I'm glad they're getting something good to eat, but also, I noticed that some bats - yes BATS - were picking at it as well. It's rather weird to see bats flying around like it's nobody's busineess...so weird, I swear they're not only blind but their radar or sonor thing totally is broken! Heh, they fly straight at me sometimes! At least they're not vampire bats, right? I mean, they're eating fruit not other animals...heh...hm....haha I've been watching too many vampire related tv-shows and movies lately! Heh, they're suddenly so everywhere now days!Alright well, yipers, I'm tired. I think the shopping today really took it out of me - I went in high heels, too...not a good combination, but it was either that or flip-flops with my jeans and I have a thing about my feet getting dirty - gross - so I wore my only other shoes I had with me at the time...heh...not going to do that again!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Bougainvillea Creepers - Pictures! :)
Hiding behind the bougainvillea, because that's what cool people do. 
Koi pond! These fish are SUPER expensive, but we got them for free! Yay! :)
Bougainvillea:
That golden koi is super large, like almost a foot and a half, which, given the size of the small pond, is rather big.
But, wait, there's more!! There are a TON of fruit trees everywhere too!! It's amazing how beautiful everything is over here. Oh, and Tina, I remember you saying something about avocados and guess what! Where I work there are not one but TWO avocado trees, both of which are in full bloom! heh, I guess I'll get to try them avocado's afterall...perhaps in a guacamole though heh, I don't really like avocados! but I have heard a ton of good things about them!
Avocado tree with a ton of blossoms...soon to be avocados!
Mango tree with green mangos - they're not the nasty south american mangos, they're an indian or golden mango and they are DELICIOUS! heh, those in the picture aren't ripe yet, but they're totally getting there...probably only like two more weeks and then they will harvest them all...and there are a TON! I'm excited! :)
And this, if you can tell, is a Starfruit tree! Star fruit! heh. It's meant to be yellow in color as well, but yeah, these are still ripening too. I'll pick one though and cut it open, you can't tell from this, but once you cut them they really do look like stars...heh, so cute.
Koi pond! These fish are SUPER expensive, but we got them for free! Yay! :)
Bougainvillea:
That golden koi is super large, like almost a foot and a half, which, given the size of the small pond, is rather big.
But, wait, there's more!! There are a TON of fruit trees everywhere too!! It's amazing how beautiful everything is over here. Oh, and Tina, I remember you saying something about avocados and guess what! Where I work there are not one but TWO avocado trees, both of which are in full bloom! heh, I guess I'll get to try them avocado's afterall...perhaps in a guacamole though heh, I don't really like avocados! but I have heard a ton of good things about them!
Avocado tree with a ton of blossoms...soon to be avocados!
Mango tree with green mangos - they're not the nasty south american mangos, they're an indian or golden mango and they are DELICIOUS! heh, those in the picture aren't ripe yet, but they're totally getting there...probably only like two more weeks and then they will harvest them all...and there are a TON! I'm excited! :)
And this, if you can tell, is a Starfruit tree! Star fruit! heh. It's meant to be yellow in color as well, but yeah, these are still ripening too. I'll pick one though and cut it open, you can't tell from this, but once you cut them they really do look like stars...heh, so cute.
FAMISHED and FLOWERS! :)
Alright, so it's super late - I normally try to get in bed by 10:00 p.m. on weeknights, but unfortunately I didn't get home from the office head quarters building until 8:40....goodness gracious, was I FAMISHED! heh. I hadn't eaten anything since 5, and that was only a cup of carrots. I was soooo hungry that right when I got home I grabbed the first thing I could and scarfed it down! heh...yeah, I probably shouldn't have. It was some cheddar cheese mayonnaise chicken with like some chili powder on top, I dunno, not sure what it was, but it tasted pretty good. So I think I probably ate around 6 oz of that stuff - when I should have only eaten 3 oz. Humph. I was hungry. And then there was this broccoli salad thing - with cranberries, chedder cheese, cauliflower, sunflower seeds and of course mayonnaise and vinegar and sugar sauce. It was good, but again, probably super caloric. I'm not a big fan of mayonnaise, either! But yeah, overall I think I did ok today. I kind of ate a bit hurriedly, which I don't like, and don't recommend to anyone. But other than that, calorie-wise I still think I ate only around 1250...
As for some pictures, because it's so totally spring over here, I thought I would take a few samples of the gorgeous array of flowers all over the place where I work. I don't know any of their names, except for that white one which is an orchid of some type.
I love these white orchids...they are so clean looking!
As for some pictures, because it's so totally spring over here, I thought I would take a few samples of the gorgeous array of flowers all over the place where I work. I don't know any of their names, except for that white one which is an orchid of some type.
I love these white orchids...they are so clean looking!Snack Contemplation...
5:00 a.m. -- Breakfast: 60 oz dried fruit -- 3 prunes, 1/2 pear, 1/2 peach; 6 almonds, 1 cup skim milk
So I'm feeling rather hungry right now - it's currently 8:00 a.m. I'm not sure if it's because I ate a bigger breakfast than usual -- at least calorie-wise it was bigger, but it wasn't bigger in bulk because the fruit was dried...heh dried fruit is totally not as good as hydrated (real) fruit! I'm contemplating whether or not I should make myself a snack....normally I don't eat between breakfast and lunch...I'm considering whether I should listen to my body or listen to my head! Let's see, I'm going to plan out here and now what all I'm going to eat today, and then see if the calories allow for a snack right now:
12:00 p.m. -- Lunch: 3 oz Lean Turkey Burger, 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 16 oz water
3:00 p.m. -- Snack: 40 oz dried fruit (110 calories), 6 almonds, 12 oz water
5:00 p.m. -- Snack: 1 cup carrots, 8 oz water
7:00 p.m. -- Dinner: 1 cup mixed salad greens, 1 cup cauliflower (raw), 3 oz chicken breast, 1 cup skim milk, multi-vitamin supplements, calcium supplement.
Hm...not much room for a snack...but my diet guidelines insist that I should eat tons and tons of veggies...as in there is no limit to how many I should eat in a day. So I was going to have a piece of toast with 1 tbs of peanut butter, but then I would have to limit my lunch to only one piece of bread rather than my usual two pieces...and I would go and fix myself up some carrots but that takes too much work. heh, I guess I'm just going to ignore my hunger for now and wait for lunch. I'll see how that works out. If I still feel hungry in an hour then maybe I'll fix myself a snack...I'll let you know later on today how it goes....and I'll post up some more pictures then, too! :)
So I'm feeling rather hungry right now - it's currently 8:00 a.m. I'm not sure if it's because I ate a bigger breakfast than usual -- at least calorie-wise it was bigger, but it wasn't bigger in bulk because the fruit was dried...heh dried fruit is totally not as good as hydrated (real) fruit! I'm contemplating whether or not I should make myself a snack....normally I don't eat between breakfast and lunch...I'm considering whether I should listen to my body or listen to my head! Let's see, I'm going to plan out here and now what all I'm going to eat today, and then see if the calories allow for a snack right now:
12:00 p.m. -- Lunch: 3 oz Lean Turkey Burger, 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 16 oz water
3:00 p.m. -- Snack: 40 oz dried fruit (110 calories), 6 almonds, 12 oz water
5:00 p.m. -- Snack: 1 cup carrots, 8 oz water
7:00 p.m. -- Dinner: 1 cup mixed salad greens, 1 cup cauliflower (raw), 3 oz chicken breast, 1 cup skim milk, multi-vitamin supplements, calcium supplement.
Hm...not much room for a snack...but my diet guidelines insist that I should eat tons and tons of veggies...as in there is no limit to how many I should eat in a day. So I was going to have a piece of toast with 1 tbs of peanut butter, but then I would have to limit my lunch to only one piece of bread rather than my usual two pieces...and I would go and fix myself up some carrots but that takes too much work. heh, I guess I'm just going to ignore my hunger for now and wait for lunch. I'll see how that works out. If I still feel hungry in an hour then maybe I'll fix myself a snack...I'll let you know later on today how it goes....and I'll post up some more pictures then, too! :)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Pictures! :)
Today was super good. I liked it a lot. The weather was blazing hot but the sky was the most blue I've ever seen it with big fluffy clouds. It was amazing. And guess what, I went walking....I am typically afraid to exercise because yeah, either I over do it - as in walking for two hours in the straight sun during the hottest time of the day (12:00 - 2:00 p.m.) - or I don't eat enough and the following day I am STARVING. Anyway, today I went on a walk, and if you notice on my "menu" below for today, I ate more starches/breads to compensate for the walk - as in I ate cheerios...I usually eat just an apple which has fewer carbs (I believe) than cheerios does...anyway, yeah, I added 4 starches instead of my usual 2. Anyway, I have a ton of pictures but I'll just post the ones from Subic first because I keep saying I will!
Menu:
Breakfast: 1 cup cheerios, 1 cup skim milk
Snack: 1/2 cup dried fruit (figs, apricots, peaches)
Lunch: 3oz lean turkey burger, 2 pieces bread, 16 oz water
Snack: 1 cup chopped carrots, 6 almonds, 1 cup 2% milk
Dinner: Turkey Soup: 2 cups chopped cabbage, 1 can chunky tomatos in juice, 3 oz turkey burger chopped up and put in cabbage/tomato broth, salt, pepper, onion powder, onion flakes, 12 oz water
Exercise:
45 minutes walking!
This is Ben, our Rotweiller to protect the house because people are always breaking in over here. But he's just a puppy. I think only 4 or 5 months old.
That's ben watching me (in the red shorts). We found a "secret" cove that was totally deserted and I think in this pic I was trying to see if there was someone else on the beach cove thing, but there wasn't...
Menu:
Breakfast: 1 cup cheerios, 1 cup skim milk
Snack: 1/2 cup dried fruit (figs, apricots, peaches)
Lunch: 3oz lean turkey burger, 2 pieces bread, 16 oz water
Snack: 1 cup chopped carrots, 6 almonds, 1 cup 2% milk
Dinner: Turkey Soup: 2 cups chopped cabbage, 1 can chunky tomatos in juice, 3 oz turkey burger chopped up and put in cabbage/tomato broth, salt, pepper, onion powder, onion flakes, 12 oz water
Exercise:
45 minutes walking!
PICTURES:
That's me with all my fatness. I know I'm not that fat...at all. But I do need to loose that nasty back fat that I'm hugging with my hand in this pic -- to see it more clearly click on it...heh...Oh the glorious love handles. Anyway, yeah, that's me checking out the deserted cove we found on Subic. The water was super still because it was a cove and so the blaring sun made it rather hot as well. It was a bit weird...like this untouched ecosystem or something. That brown stuff a bit ahead of me in the water was growing coral. Very interesting, but also scary! heh...creatures of the sea...I really hate being stung by them!!
That's me with all my fatness. I know I'm not that fat...at all. But I do need to loose that nasty back fat that I'm hugging with my hand in this pic -- to see it more clearly click on it...heh...Oh the glorious love handles. Anyway, yeah, that's me checking out the deserted cove we found on Subic. The water was super still because it was a cove and so the blaring sun made it rather hot as well. It was a bit weird...like this untouched ecosystem or something. That brown stuff a bit ahead of me in the water was growing coral. Very interesting, but also scary! heh...creatures of the sea...I really hate being stung by them!!
This is Ben, our Rotweiller to protect the house because people are always breaking in over here. But he's just a puppy. I think only 4 or 5 months old.
That's ben watching me (in the red shorts). We found a "secret" cove that was totally deserted and I think in this pic I was trying to see if there was someone else on the beach cove thing, but there wasn't...Saturday, March 20, 2010
14 Days Until Easter and Scared to Exercise
Alright, well it's exactly 14 more days until Easter. I know we're going to have a little get-together with all the folks here and I want to look good...especially because of the heat. Entertaining plus heat plus feeling uncomfortable with how I look/what I'm wearing is never a good combination! So, I'm going to make this Easter different. 14 days...That's usually my breaking point as I've noticed with this blog's history. I am usually good for approximately two weeks and then something breaks down...this break down could be Easter...but I'm not going to let it be. I'm glad I've been writing this blog, it has really helped me learn a lot about myself. I think the main problem, besides going on vacation and being surrounded by only junk food with no possibility of healthy food, is that I may be eating too few calories each day. I am only eating strictly 1000 calories a day and of all the things I've read about dieting, most of them agree that going below 1200 a day is counterproductive as my body will start breaking down muscle instead of just fat and it will also cause my metabolism to go into starvation mode which slows down the rate at which I burn calories. Heh, the gist is that, I'm going to up my caloric intake to 1200 calories a day, and I may consider exercising...heh, I am a bit scared of exercising simply because the thinnest I ever was occurred when I was not exercising at all.
I wasn't exactly pleased with how my body looked naked. I mean, with clothes my body appeared great. But without clothes it just looked a bit shrunken for my taste...I definitely lost all my muscle tone which was sad because I am super athletic and naturally have a lot of muscle. But yeah, when I weighed 105lbs I definitely was not pleased with how skeletally thin my body looked, as opposed to how I wanted it to look - fit and thin. But yeah, I'm also afraid of exercising because it makes me feel incredibly hungry the following day. I think it has to do with not eating enough, again. I think I need to come to terms with how much my body actually needs each day to simply maintain. I think that is why I end up binging so frequently (every two weeks). I think I just don't realize how much I can actually eat - how much my body actually needs. However, because I have eaten SO too much over vacation - I weigh 125 lbs...again..ugh...I'm going to stick with my old eating plan that I outlined in my first post. But after two weeks is up, I'm going to increase my caloric intake to 1200 calories. And I am going to try my hardest not to overeat come this Easter..which is April 4. If you guys have any tips to keep me accountable I'd love to hear them!! :)
And I've been reluctant to post any pictures of myself because, well, in reality, I didn't want people that I know to know I have a "weight loss" blog because that would have been super embarrassing to me. I'm one of those people who don't want people to know I'm actually struggling with my weight. But you know what, I don't care anymore. I just want to be healthy now. I think the more I'm open with my food struggles, the quicker I will be to overcoming them. I don't have to keep them secret! I need to share them and get some kind of accountability/support from those around me..hm....heh, that's definitely a next step. But anyway, for now, I'm going to post some pictures of me...hm...but not today. probably tomorrow once I actually get around to charging my camera. Alright, that's all for now. But yeah, if you have any tips to help me stay accountable with myself and not binging every two weeks I'd love to hear it!!! :)
I wasn't exactly pleased with how my body looked naked. I mean, with clothes my body appeared great. But without clothes it just looked a bit shrunken for my taste...I definitely lost all my muscle tone which was sad because I am super athletic and naturally have a lot of muscle. But yeah, when I weighed 105lbs I definitely was not pleased with how skeletally thin my body looked, as opposed to how I wanted it to look - fit and thin. But yeah, I'm also afraid of exercising because it makes me feel incredibly hungry the following day. I think it has to do with not eating enough, again. I think I need to come to terms with how much my body actually needs each day to simply maintain. I think that is why I end up binging so frequently (every two weeks). I think I just don't realize how much I can actually eat - how much my body actually needs. However, because I have eaten SO too much over vacation - I weigh 125 lbs...again..ugh...I'm going to stick with my old eating plan that I outlined in my first post. But after two weeks is up, I'm going to increase my caloric intake to 1200 calories. And I am going to try my hardest not to overeat come this Easter..which is April 4. If you guys have any tips to keep me accountable I'd love to hear them!! :)
And I've been reluctant to post any pictures of myself because, well, in reality, I didn't want people that I know to know I have a "weight loss" blog because that would have been super embarrassing to me. I'm one of those people who don't want people to know I'm actually struggling with my weight. But you know what, I don't care anymore. I just want to be healthy now. I think the more I'm open with my food struggles, the quicker I will be to overcoming them. I don't have to keep them secret! I need to share them and get some kind of accountability/support from those around me..hm....heh, that's definitely a next step. But anyway, for now, I'm going to post some pictures of me...hm...but not today. probably tomorrow once I actually get around to charging my camera. Alright, that's all for now. But yeah, if you have any tips to help me stay accountable with myself and not binging every two weeks I'd love to hear it!!! :)
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