Yes, I use a Mac...So sue me. ;)Wowzer!! It's day 12 already and my hunger hormones or whatever they are called have been acting PSYCHOTIC! haha. Last night after eating dinner, I was super hungry. I was scrounging around looking for something to eat in the kitchen even though I knew I wasn't supposed to eat anything. It ended up with my walking aimlessly around the kitchen, opening up the fridge, the cabinet, looking at Women's Day magazines at recipes. Heh...now that one is like looking at food porn. haha. I really shouldn't. Resorting to looking at pictures of food and reading food recipes is just...low. hahahah. So yeah, I walked around like a zombie and finally went to bed...Triumphant at least so that's good. But then, oddly enough, right this second at 3:30 p.m. on Friday afternoon I do not feel hungry at all. It's kind of scary. It reminds me of like a calm before the storm type thing. What storm is that? Why, the weekly, Friday-Night-Special-Treat storm.
As I've intimated earlier, Friday nights are basically the worst time for me in regard to keeping my new life-style dietary change. And yet, I still think I need to enjoy a piece of cake or whatever dessert there may be on hand on this day simply because 1) desserts taste good, but also 2) because I do not want to be afraid of food. I know I have the tendency to fear food and was mildly anorexic just one year ago, weighing 103lbs. I'm 5'4 with a small frame so according to the what the government says, at least for Americans, I can way as low as 110-112 and still be healthy so that's what I'm pushing for.
So yeah, I wasn't super anorexic by way of physical health, I mean, I only weighed 7lbs below what I should have (as opposed to others I've read about who weighed like 80 lbs and were 5'8! Crazy sad) but mentally I know that tendency is there to simply fear eating food and I don't want it to be. So eating a dessert once a week has really helped in this way. I'm hoping it will force me to realize that I can eat whatever kind of food I want, as long as I do so in moderate portions and with discipline. Ugh. It really is hard, though. Part of me just wants to officially mandate that I can never eat anything with refined sugar again and be done with it! But another part of me feels, and I believe rightly so, that this method of dealing with food is also unhealthy. So, as for now, I'm going to have to suffer with learning how to be disciplined in the face of temptation by eating one dessert every Friday night. I'm hoping this will teach me not to fear food, and not to view cake as the alluring forbidden fruit. When something seems off-limits that makes me want to go there and makes the mental, and hence physical fall even harder to recover from. Wish me Luck! :)
As I've intimated earlier, Friday nights are basically the worst time for me in regard to keeping my new life-style dietary change. And yet, I still think I need to enjoy a piece of cake or whatever dessert there may be on hand on this day simply because 1) desserts taste good, but also 2) because I do not want to be afraid of food. I know I have the tendency to fear food and was mildly anorexic just one year ago, weighing 103lbs. I'm 5'4 with a small frame so according to the what the government says, at least for Americans, I can way as low as 110-112 and still be healthy so that's what I'm pushing for.
So yeah, I wasn't super anorexic by way of physical health, I mean, I only weighed 7lbs below what I should have (as opposed to others I've read about who weighed like 80 lbs and were 5'8! Crazy sad) but mentally I know that tendency is there to simply fear eating food and I don't want it to be. So eating a dessert once a week has really helped in this way. I'm hoping it will force me to realize that I can eat whatever kind of food I want, as long as I do so in moderate portions and with discipline. Ugh. It really is hard, though. Part of me just wants to officially mandate that I can never eat anything with refined sugar again and be done with it! But another part of me feels, and I believe rightly so, that this method of dealing with food is also unhealthy. So, as for now, I'm going to have to suffer with learning how to be disciplined in the face of temptation by eating one dessert every Friday night. I'm hoping this will teach me not to fear food, and not to view cake as the alluring forbidden fruit. When something seems off-limits that makes me want to go there and makes the mental, and hence physical fall even harder to recover from. Wish me Luck! :)
Thank you for your comment on my blog! I really enjoyed reading yours.
ReplyDeleteWOW, we are so totally opposite, yet struggling with the same thing- our weight. Of course I have never been afraid of food, as you can tell by how much weight I need to loose!!! LOL. but we are both trying to change what we eat, and HOW we eat to be healthier and to loose weight... I hope you don't mind me saying, at your height and weight you are probably perfect the way you are! Don't go by what the government says is ideal. How do YOU feel about your weight?
I think giving yourself the treat day on friday is a great idea :)
Good luck tomorrow!
You use a mac!?! I'm NEVER reading this again!!! LOL just kidding :) I forgot to mention how much I like your pictures :)
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