14 Days Until Easter and Scared to Exercise

Alright, well it's exactly 14 more days until Easter. I know we're going to have a little get-together with all the folks here and I want to look good...especially because of the heat. Entertaining plus heat plus feeling uncomfortable with how I look/what I'm wearing is never a good combination! So, I'm going to make this Easter different. 14 days...That's usually my breaking point as I've noticed with this blog's history. I am usually good for approximately two weeks and then something breaks down...this break down could be Easter...but I'm not going to let it be. I'm glad I've been writing this blog, it has really helped me learn a lot about myself. I think the main problem, besides going on vacation and being surrounded by only junk food with no possibility of healthy food, is that I may be eating too few calories each day. I am only eating strictly 1000 calories a day and of all the things I've read about dieting, most of them agree that going below 1200 a day is counterproductive as my body will start breaking down muscle instead of just fat and it will also cause my metabolism to go into starvation mode which slows down the rate at which I burn calories. Heh, the gist is that, I'm going to up my caloric intake to 1200 calories a day, and I may consider exercising...heh, I am a bit scared of exercising simply because the thinnest I ever was occurred when I was not exercising at all.

I wasn't exactly pleased with how my body looked naked. I mean, with clothes my body appeared great. But without clothes it just looked a bit shrunken for my taste...I definitely lost all my muscle tone which was sad because I am super athletic and naturally have a lot of muscle. But yeah, when I weighed 105lbs I definitely was not pleased with how skeletally thin my body looked, as opposed to how I wanted it to look - fit and thin. But yeah, I'm also afraid of exercising because it makes me feel incredibly hungry the following day. I think it has to do with not eating enough, again. I think I need to come to terms with how much my body actually needs each day to simply maintain. I think that is why I end up binging so frequently (every two weeks). I think I just don't realize how much I can actually eat - how much my body actually needs. However, because I have eaten SO too much over vacation - I weigh 125 lbs...again..ugh...I'm going to stick with my old eating plan that I outlined in my first post. But after two weeks is up, I'm going to increase my caloric intake to 1200 calories. And I am going to try my hardest not to overeat come this Easter..which is April 4. If you guys have any tips to keep me accountable I'd love to hear them!! :)

And I've been reluctant to post any pictures of myself because, well, in reality, I didn't want people that I know to know I have a "weight loss" blog because that would have been super embarrassing to me. I'm one of those people who don't want people to know I'm actually struggling with my weight. But you know what, I don't care anymore. I just want to be healthy now. I think the more I'm open with my food struggles, the quicker I will be to overcoming them. I don't have to keep them secret! I need to share them and get some kind of accountability/support from those around me..hm....heh, that's definitely a next step. But anyway, for now, I'm going to post some pictures of me...hm...but not today. probably tomorrow once I actually get around to charging my camera. Alright, that's all for now. But yeah, if you have any tips to help me stay accountable with myself and not binging every two weeks I'd love to hear it!!! :)