Day 20 - How I Sabotage Myself With Food!

Heh, so yeah, today I was super duper hungry!!! hahah. Oh man, I think it was more of a mental thing than it was a physical thing. I think it began with my looking in a full length mirror this morning when I woke up. I really did look a whole lot better in the mirror after 6 days of heavy dieting. My stomach, the one place I always check out first when I look in the mirror, always looks better fairly quickly - I guess that's one place I gain and loose weight quickly, or at least it's the one place where I seem to notice weight loss or weight gain the most quickly, if that even makes sense, which I'm sure it does not!

But anyway, whenever I start to look even the smallest bit the way I want my body to look, I freak out mentally and feel that I don't deserve it. As though, and I'm trying to express this clearly, but it's as though I have been so conditioned to believe that I will never be able to have the perfect body, that when I start to see glimpses of it showing through I freak out and sabotage myself with intense thoughts telling me that I need food and I need it now! I think also something to do with it, or at least the part that I sabotage myself with overeating, of all things, has to do with another ingrained belief that in order to have a slim, in-shape, toned body I must never enjoy food again - a thought, which of course, would freak out any sane person. And it's also, ironically, a thought which, frankly, I do not believe to be true.

While I do believe that sugary, starchy, fatty food is not healthy for your body, that does not mean that I have to feel unsatisfied each day in terms of what I eat. Sugary, fatty foods do not equal satisfaction and fullness. I know this is true. The idea that I am feeding my body healthy foods actually makes me happy inside. I know not everyone is like this, but I'm grateful that I am. I like eating things I know are good for my body. I like seeing my body change and become well shaped all on it's own as I feed it good, healthy foods in needed portions each day. Yes, I tend to be more of a scientist in this regard, but I love how reliable the body is - if you are good to it, it will be good to you. Seriously.

So anyway, back to my hunger sparked by my mental psychotic-ness, while there was a cake on the table just sitting there looking beautiful to my lustful eyes, I was able to resist it, but I do think I ate too much ground beef tonight simply because I was trying to curb my desire for cake. And I only allowed myself to desire cake because I felt so good about my body. See, the break down was built upon mental perceptions and preconditions. But, knowing them, will help me break them in the end! Day 20 - moderate success! :)

Day 20
(8:00 a.m.) Breakfast - 1 green apple, 6 almonds, 1 cup 2% milk
(1:00 p.m.) Lunch - 3 oz chicken breast, 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 12 oz water
(3:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 medium green apple, 6 almonds, 12 oz water
(5:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 cup chopped carrots (raw), 8 oz water
(8:20 p.m.) Snack - 3 oz chicken breast
(8:45 p.m.) Dinner - 3/4 cup 80% lean seasoned ground beef, 4 cups salad greens, low calorie Italian dressing, 12 oz water
(9:40 p.m.) Snack - 240 calories worth of popcorn