Day 20 - How I Sabotage Myself With Food!

Heh, so yeah, today I was super duper hungry!!! hahah. Oh man, I think it was more of a mental thing than it was a physical thing. I think it began with my looking in a full length mirror this morning when I woke up. I really did look a whole lot better in the mirror after 6 days of heavy dieting. My stomach, the one place I always check out first when I look in the mirror, always looks better fairly quickly - I guess that's one place I gain and loose weight quickly, or at least it's the one place where I seem to notice weight loss or weight gain the most quickly, if that even makes sense, which I'm sure it does not!

But anyway, whenever I start to look even the smallest bit the way I want my body to look, I freak out mentally and feel that I don't deserve it. As though, and I'm trying to express this clearly, but it's as though I have been so conditioned to believe that I will never be able to have the perfect body, that when I start to see glimpses of it showing through I freak out and sabotage myself with intense thoughts telling me that I need food and I need it now! I think also something to do with it, or at least the part that I sabotage myself with overeating, of all things, has to do with another ingrained belief that in order to have a slim, in-shape, toned body I must never enjoy food again - a thought, which of course, would freak out any sane person. And it's also, ironically, a thought which, frankly, I do not believe to be true.

While I do believe that sugary, starchy, fatty food is not healthy for your body, that does not mean that I have to feel unsatisfied each day in terms of what I eat. Sugary, fatty foods do not equal satisfaction and fullness. I know this is true. The idea that I am feeding my body healthy foods actually makes me happy inside. I know not everyone is like this, but I'm grateful that I am. I like eating things I know are good for my body. I like seeing my body change and become well shaped all on it's own as I feed it good, healthy foods in needed portions each day. Yes, I tend to be more of a scientist in this regard, but I love how reliable the body is - if you are good to it, it will be good to you. Seriously.

So anyway, back to my hunger sparked by my mental psychotic-ness, while there was a cake on the table just sitting there looking beautiful to my lustful eyes, I was able to resist it, but I do think I ate too much ground beef tonight simply because I was trying to curb my desire for cake. And I only allowed myself to desire cake because I felt so good about my body. See, the break down was built upon mental perceptions and preconditions. But, knowing them, will help me break them in the end! Day 20 - moderate success! :)

Day 20
(8:00 a.m.) Breakfast - 1 green apple, 6 almonds, 1 cup 2% milk
(1:00 p.m.) Lunch - 3 oz chicken breast, 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 12 oz water
(3:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 medium green apple, 6 almonds, 12 oz water
(5:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 cup chopped carrots (raw), 8 oz water
(8:20 p.m.) Snack - 3 oz chicken breast
(8:45 p.m.) Dinner - 3/4 cup 80% lean seasoned ground beef, 4 cups salad greens, low calorie Italian dressing, 12 oz water
(9:40 p.m.) Snack - 240 calories worth of popcorn

Day 19 - Unexpected Cake and Snacks...

So wow, today has been fun! I just got back (about an hour and thirty minutes ago, really) from watching Tim Burton's movie, Alice and Wonderland and it was pretty good. I liked watching Johnny Depp, he's a super good actor. But I didn't like Anne Hathaway too much, though...I dunno, perhaps it wasn't her acting that annoyed me, perhaps it was just her character that was annoying - either way though, to me, she was more annoying than funny. But kudos to Burton, it was entertaining.

Alright, so I got home, and what did I find out! Two of the girls I'm sharing the house with over here decided to go out and buy Tostitos, Lays, salsa, m&m's, a cake and ice-cream as well to munch on while watching episodes of The Office together. Heh, these girls are psychotic. I mean, they're great, but heh, they're also crazy and for some reason, they're not even fat. I don't even know how that works out! haha. So yeah, while I thought I wouldn't have to worry about cake sitting in the fridge over the weekend to tempt me (click me), I guess I was WRONG! heh. But the good news is, I'm about to go to bed and I haven't eaten any of the snacks! Woot Woot! (The sound a train makes...heh...um...indicating happiness haha). So I think I've successfully passed a milestone in my life. Honestly, I was a bit hungry when I got home, but instead of eating sugary, fatty, starchy foods, I ate some crunchy and crisp broccoli and cauliflower. heh, I'm not going to lie and say I felt perfectly full and content, I was hungry, but for some reason, the decision to skip desserts helped mentally. If I can't snack on desserts, there's nothing really else to snack on except food that no one really wants to snack on like broccoli and cauliflower!! haha.

So this day was a great success. I am definitely excited for my Monday Weigh-In coming up. I've been tempted several times today to step on the scale and see how much I've lost, but no...heh, I'm going to wait until Monday. I hope tomorrow (Saturday, which is technically today) goes as well as today went! Peace peoples.
:)

Day 18 - A Bit Different Eating Than Normal!

(5:30 a.m.) Breakfast - 1 apple, 6 almonds, 1 cup 2% milk
(12:00 p.m.) Lunch - (chicken sandwich) 3 oz chicken breast, 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 12 oz water
(3:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 apple, 6 almonds, 12 oz water
(5:00 p.m.) Snack - 250 grams fat-free, natural yogurt (MY SpECial EXsPENesIVe YOGURT!!), 1 cup chopped carrots (raw), 8 oz water
(7:00 p.m.) Dinner - Half a serving of Stromboli, 12 oz Diet Pepsi
(12:00 a.m.) Snack - 1 cup grilled broccoli and cauliflower with curry powder, 2 oz chicken breast (I had forgotten to eat any protein for dinner!)

Day 18 - Mainit!!!

Water lilies!
Note the glaring reflection of the SUN!!!!

Oh my goodness it is SUPER hot here! I mean it's hotter than an Italian woman's armpit hot...yes...and if you think you can make fun of Italians well, you can't -- only I can because I am part one. It's a black thing. haha. Ok. My ratial slamming time is done. So the title of this blog says "Mainit" pronounced "my-ee-nit" and it's the Tagalog word for "hot". But while I know that word I have yet to learn how to say, "It's hot, this country is FREAKING HOT" in Tagalog...but I'm working on it. ;)

I think the heat has something to do with the humidity factor of the tropics as well. I mean, I'm from California so I'm not foreign to the concept of "mainit" but man...desert heat is different from sticky, humid, oppressive tropical heat. Luckily for me, I get to be in "air-con" as they call it here...at least for now while I complete my four-week training session. On March 14 I'm going to be going to another part of the Philippines called "Subic Bay" for a week as a break/vacation. I'm excited about that. But I'll talk about that later when it's actually closer to happening!

As for today, a break-through happened at the store today! While I was shopping I found a little carton (250 grams) of 99.9% fat free, plain yogurt! Uhuh...you know it!!! Party at my house, tonight!!! Haha, I don't think you properly appreciate the significance of this quite momentous discovery! The whole time I've been here I've never seen fat-free, plain yogurt before...I'm so happy about this. I would have bought the whole freaking shelf full..heh, who am I kidding, there were only like 20 total on the shelf -- probably in the entire Philippines. Shoot, they're so going to be gone....heh, now that I think of it in that way, I probably should have bought them all. I would have too, but then I found out that they cost 49 pesos............each.

That's over 1 whole stinking dollar! That's like a dollar and 10 cents for half a cup of plain yogurt...ugh...I definitely cannot afford to buy that. So I bought one...just one...*sigh*
Oh well. I don't care that much, but I'm realizing that is something I definitely miss about being home. :( I'm realizing how many amazing food options there are in America. Everything here is so primitive or imported and SUPER expensive and there are practically no diet associated products at all. But there are also far less yummy bad foods as well, so I guess I should be thankful! :)

Day 17 - Life Is Looking Good! :)

Well, today has been good. Hurrah. :) I feel physically very energetic, and I even had a dream that I was training to ride in a bicycle marathon. Hahah, it was a funny dream. I never actually got to the marathon part though, the whole dream was about preparing for the marathon. haha. Perhaps it's mean to signify that I will reach my weight-loss goals, one day at a time. :) I again feel super glad that I cut out desserts from my diet until I loose the weight I want (or rather, don't want!). I haven't craved anything sugary once this entire week and it's already Wednesday. :) Very thrilled about this. Plus, this coming Friday I will be going out to see Alice In Wonderland with some people I've met here. It's a good thing because I'll have the option to refuse ordering dessert, whereas if I stayed at home and one of the girls sharing the house with me made some dessert it would be sitting in the fridge tempting me every time I open the door. This way there will be no desserts in the fridge as we're all going out. Very cool. :)

Day 17
(6:30 a.m.) Breakfast - 1 medium green apple, 6 almonds, 1 cup 2% milk
(1:10 p.m.) Lunch - Turkey burger with 2 pieces whole wheat bread
(3:10 p.m.) Snack - 1 medium green apple, 6 almonds, 12 oz water
(5:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 cup chopped carrots (raw)
(7:30 p.m.) Dinner - Not sure yet...

Hm...looking over my dietary habits I've come to the realization that I am a patterned eater. haha. I eat basically the same thing everyday and surprisingly, it doesn't get old for me. I guess I should be thankful for this inclination of mine to be complacent with eating the same types of food everyday. heh...I'm such a freak. ;)

Day 16 - Wild Flowers!! :)

So I found these little guys growing outside when I went on an afternoon walk today. They're actually super small, each one of those flowers is like the size of like half a tic-tac. haha, that's all I could think of to compare them to. Anyway, they're amazing and they are definitely bright and cheery. :) That's how I feel today - bright and cheery. The more I think about the decision I made to cut out desserts (click me) the more I am happy about it. I didn't realize how stressful it was to have to mess with sugary, fatty foods once a week while trying to loose weight at the same time. But the relief I feel after making the choice to cut them out is actually very surprising.

Heh, I may be jumping the gun because I haven't actually had to deal with not having a "treat-day" yet as this Friday has not come yet, but honestly, I think it's going to be great. I can't wait to eat more healthy food on that day and just by-pass eating the sugary guck that is so unhelpful to my system. Also, I've been reading that it's not always a good thing to reward yourself with food. Perhaps I will reward myself once a week with something else...not sure yet what that will be though...I definitely don't have enough time or money to go out and go clothes shopping...hm...yeah, I guess I'll have to think on that one. Well, that's all for now, I have miserable loads of work to finish this week - I think I'll be spending late nights at the office headquarters every night this week! UGH! oh well...it'll keep my mind busy and off of food! :)

Day 15
(6:30 a.m.) Breakfast - 1 green apple (super SUPER good today), 6 almonds, 1 cup 2% milk
(12:33 p.m.) Lunch - 1 spicy 3oz turkey burger patty with two slices whole wheat bread, 12 oz water
(3:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 medium apple, 6 almonds, 10 oz water
(5:16 p.m.) Snack - 1 cup sliced carrots (raw), 5 oz water
(7:30 p.m.) Dinner - 1 cup salad greens, 1 cup vegetables (steamed), 1 cup 2% milk,
3 oz mayonnaise/cheese chicken thing, but made with light mayonnaise - tasted pretty good.

I forgot the Weigh-In Results for Week 2...

Day 15 ~So, heh, I got so caught up with my tweaking that I forgot to mention the infamous Monday Weigh-In results...yes, it was as I feared - back to 125lbs. But my new adjustment to my plan will, I know, drastically increase my success rate. No more tangoing with the Devil!!! I am oddly relieved. :)

Day 15
(8:30 a.m.) Breakfast - 1 medium apple, 6 almonds 1 cup 2% milk
(2:00 p.m.) Lunch - 3oz turkey patty, 2 pieces whole wheat bread, 12 oz water
(4:30 p.m.) Snack - 1 medium green apple (picture of it above...sadly it is no more...haha), 6 almonds, 12 oz water
(6:00 p.m.) Snack - 1 cup sliced carrots (raw)
(7:30 p.m.) Dinner - 2 cups salad greens, 1 cup broccoli (raw), 3 oz fish fillet (baked), 8 oz water

Day 15 - Tweaking Things...

Is it a realistic option? I hate being a quitter. I am a very competitive person - heh, please don't get turned off by that statement! I guess I should just come out and say it, I am a perfectionist, I am competitive, I like to take charge and lead, basically I am the epitome of what a woman should NOT be, at least that's what my 4 brother's are always telling me...the losers. haha. I am naturally very athletic. My grandfather was sUPER buff for his time which was around 1920's before they had weight-machines and gyms. That's a picture of him on the right. I have a picture of me flexing as well in the same way, but that was a year ago when I was probably around 115 pounds and I am currently 125 pounds, so I want to loose 10 perhaps 15 pounds and I will be content. I think it is doable.

So, after Saturday's and yesterday's epic FAIL (click me), I've chosen to tweak my original diet plan...I call it, Jenny's "CRACK DOWN!" Heh, yes, very dramatic, but it's just one change. Basically, I'm not going to eat desserts on Friday night's anymore until I loose 10-15 lbs.. I feel good about this decision with a pinch of apprehension. Not that I won't do it. I am very disciplined when I'm allowed to simply bypass temptation altogether. Tasting of the forbidden fruit was just too much for me. It triggers binges. I just don't want that anymore. Enough said. But then I'm like...Is it realistic? Heh...honestly, I don't know...I know right now I feel very motivated to do it, but that's probably because my body has had it's full of sweets due to last night's orgy of food! But I'm going to do it. And if I loose more than a pound a week, which I think I might because I'm cutting out desserts, I will up my caloric intake of good, clean food come Week 4 because I don't want to starve myself and again - Life is not a sprint, it's a marathon. :)

I like this picture.The ship is daring and
confident even though she faces darkening skies
and rough waters.And yet there is hope with the promise of blue skies. :)